Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
