We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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