Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
