i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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