Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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