Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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