just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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