Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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