This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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