ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
