I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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