you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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