so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
