Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
