I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
