I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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