i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
