My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
