Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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