should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
