Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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