no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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