I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
