The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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