so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
