She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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