I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
