idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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