it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
