I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
