Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
