Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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