Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
