I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
