Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
