If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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