Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
