its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
