Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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