ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
