it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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