I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
