we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
