goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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