What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
