I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
