thus making me awesome and them whores
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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