How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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