smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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