Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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