At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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