i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
