Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
now i know why i became what i already was.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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