so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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