i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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