Pregnant stripper...not hot.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sober January is a disaster.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
