I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
