And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
