I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
