Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
