I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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