I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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