My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
