rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Let's paint friendship bongs
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.