My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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