I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum