Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
