i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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