Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
