Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
